Brick by Brick

“What is the big deal?” I thought to myself the first time I heard about the definition of marriage being redefined to include marriages of same-sex couples.  What harm does it do to allow gay couples the same right to be married as a man and a women?  I didn’t understand the implications of this shift in law and values of which our country has lost in recent years. I am still learning and understanding this difficult topic but the biggest reason I can see is that it is harmful to children and families. 

In September 1995, the leaders of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints shared, The Family: A Proclamation to the World. Part of it states that, “The family is ordained of God. Marriage between man and woman is essential to His eternal plan. Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity.”

I am grateful that I was able to be raised by both a mother and a father, but I almost wasn’t.  I was adopted as a baby.  My biological parents were not together and neither of them could care for me at the time I came into this world.  I share this because even though I was raised by wonderful parents who were supportive, loving and the best parents a child could ask for, I still had a hole in my heart.  I missed my biological parents and no amount of love could fill that, it was always there.  My heart hurts for any child who has to grow up away from their parents, but this is exactly what happens when a same-sex couples decide to start a family.  Moms and moms can’t make a baby.  Neither can dads and dads.  There is always someone missing that will not be in the child’s life, the other sex that provided the biological means of creating that child.

Marriage is defined as “between a man and a woman” for a reason.  It is a man and a woman that bring children into this world.  Marriage is a commitment to one another, but also the means for children to have a mom and a dad in a committed relationship, one that provides stability and security. 

The current prophet and president of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, President Russel M. Nelson reminded church members that we need to stand up for traditional marriage. He said, “Male and female are created for what they can do and become, together. It takes a man and a woman to bring a child into the world. Mothers and fathers are not interchangeable. Men and women are distinct and complementary. Children deserve a chance to grow up with both a mom and a dad.”

 This week as I was doing dishes, I listened to a talk on divorce by Elder Dallin H. Oaks, a member of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.  My  kids were sitting nearby playing a game and I could see my 11-year-old son’s ears perk up as he heard the world “divorce”.  Not wanting to cause alarm, I quickly explained why I was listening to this talk.  It was for a class I am taking on marriage at Brigham Young University-Idaho.  He relaxed and went back to what he was doing, but I was left with the thought that I was grateful that his dad and I decided a while back, that it was more than just the two of us in this marriage. 

We were young when we decided to get married and had children young as well. We have struggled quite a bit and there have been times our marriage outlook was bleak. But we made a commitment to each other, a commitment to to God and a commitment to our children that we helped bring into this world.

As I continued to listen, Elder Oaks said:

“We live in a world in which the whole concept of marriage is in peril and where divorce is commonplace. The concept that society has a strong interest in preserving marriages for the common good as well as the good of the couple and their children has been replaced for many by the idea that marriage is only a private relationship between consenting adults, terminable at the will of either.”

The truth of those words resonated with me and I was sad because of what is happening to so many family living in today’s world. In The Family: A Proclamation to the World it states:

“Further, we warn that the disintegration of the family will bring upon individuals, communities, and nations the calamities foretold by ancient and modern prophets.”

Children need moms and dads to navigate the world that we live in.  Families are the most basic and important unit of society.  We were sent to Earth to live in families. Yes, there are circumstances where divorce is the right course of action for a family, but first, Elder Oaks urges us to, “think first of the children.” He said, “divorce separates the interests of children from the interests of their parents, children are its first victims. Scholars of family life tell us that the most important cause of the current decline in the well-being of children is the current weakening of marriage, because family instability decreases parental investment in children. We know that children raised in a single-parent home after divorce have a much higher risk for drug and alcohol abuse, sexual promiscuity, poor school performance, and various kinds of victimization.”

Through what I have learned from being a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, is that we are all sons and daughters of Heavenly Parents.  We were spirit sons and daughters in heaven before we came to Earth.  Our children were Heavenly Father’s spirit children before we were blessed to have them.  Heavenly Father not only wants what is best for them, he wants what is best for us.  I know that it is important to raise children in families to the best of our abilities.  I also know that we don’t have to do it alone, the Lord is there to make up the difference in our shortcomings.

Great marriages are built brick by brick, day after day, over a lifetime.

President Dieter F. Uchtdorf, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints

Hi! I my name is Jennifer and I am starting this Marriage blog for a class that I am taking at Brigham Young University-Idaho. I have been married for almost 14 years and have 4 children. I am a stay-at-home mom, homeschool mom and student.