When my husband and I got married we were young, naïve and in love. We thought that our love would get us through anything and no one had told us otherwise. What we found is that a marriage takes not only love but also requires work. Being married isn’t each person giving 50% towards the marriage, it is both people each giving 100%. Elder Bruce C. Hafen, a leader in the church I belong to (The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints), said:
“Contract companions each give 50, covenant companions give 100 percent…Covenant marriage requires a total leap of faith; they must keep their covenants without knowing what risks that may require of them. They must surrender unconditionally, obey God and sacrificing for each other.”
One year into our marriage, we were able to be sealed together for time and all eternity in and LDS temple. Members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints can be married in temples for all time. In order to do that, they need to be living certain standards before they can enter the temple. After we were sealed together, I thought something along the lines of, “Well, we made it! Should be all down hill from here right?” Well it was downhill in a manner of speaking, and then uphill and downhill again. Just because we had been married in the temple didn’t mean that we were without struggle. What I have learned is that Satan tries to destroy marriages and families. President Gordon B. Hinkley of The Church of Jesus Christ said:
““Perhaps our greatest concern is with families. The family is falling apart all over the world. The old ties that bound together father and mother and children are breaking everywhere. We must face this in our own midst. There are too many broken homes among our own. The love that led to marriage somehow evaporates, and hatred fills its place. Hearts are broken; children weep. Can we not do better? Of course we can. It is selfishness that brings about most of these tragedies. If there is forbearance, if there is forgiveness, if there is an anxious looking after the happiness of one’s companion, then love will flourish and blossom.”
It was broken hearts and selfishness that led my husband and I to seek marriage counseling for the second time. Towards the end of one session we attended, our counselor asked if we had ever heard the story of the two wolves? We had not. He passed us a paper with something similar to the following words, “There are two wolves fighting inside all of us. The first one is evil, the second one is good. Which won will win? The one you feed.” We learned that the “evil” wolf represented things like, “anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority and ego.” The good wolf represented, “joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith.” (Ref Link (Links to an external site.))
Elder Bruce C. Hafen also spoke of three “wolves” that destroy a marriage. The first one is natural adversity, the second is the wolf of people’s own imperfections, and the third is excessive individualism. I think that the third one is the cause of much of the heartache and suffering in marriages today. Elder Hafen went on to explain:
“The adversary has long cultivated this overemphasis on personal autonomy , and now he feverishly exploits it. Our deepest God-given instinct is to run to the arms of those who need us and sustain us. But he drives us away from each other today with wedges of distrust and suspicion. He exaggerates the need for having space, getting out, and being left alone.”
I myself have fallen for those same lies. It has taken a lot of work, prayer, good communication and time for my husband and I to be able to “run into each other’s arms” again, instead of turning away. I know that all marriages and relationships are capable of this though. As we start to try and understand one another, say we are sorry for past grievances and seek to forgive one another, we not only can run back to one another’s arms, but can also turn towards God and run back to His as well.
Brick by Brick 