“Love is not a happy accident; it is a choice” (Goddard, pg. 83)
After being married for 14 years now, I can attest to the truthfulness of the above quote. One of the choices we make regarding love, is to love our spouse. It is easy in marriage to get annoyed with little things our spouse does or offended by something they say. We often think more of ourselves and how we feel, how right we are, and how wrong our spouse is. We get self-centered and prideful. It is hard to love when that is the attitude we have. In the book, “Drawing Heaven into Your Marriage”, author H. Wallace Goddard said:
“Many Americans today can no longer accept the idea that love requires sacrificing oneself or making oneself unhappy or doing things that do not (at least eventually) serve one’s individual best interests. If a relationship does not bring pleasure, insight, satisfaction, and fulfillment to the self, then it is regarded as wrong, and the individual is justified perhaps even obligated-to end the relationship and find a new, more fulfilling one. According to today’s values, A ‘kind of selfishness is essential to love’.”
I myself have fallen into the trap of self-entitlement and pride-fullness that can lead to unhappiness and the destruction of marriages. One example of how I have done this is believing that my spouse needs to do something special for me on days like my birthday. Near the beginning of our marriage on my birthday, my husband brought me home flowers. That was what he got me for my birthday and I was hurt and mad that it was all he got me. I could have told him kindly that he kind of hurt my feelings because I didn’t see flowers as being a present, but instead I was really rude to him and it only stirred up contention and contempt in our home. It is so silly looking back, but at that time, I was too prideful to let my hurt go and see that he didn’t mean to hurt my feelings.
“Satan will laugh us into conflict and misunderstanding unless we yield to the enticings of the Holy Spirit and put off the natural man… The scene is set for the battle because of our pride. Pride includes our own attunement to our own needs as the standard of judgement”(Goddard).
In a talk given by President Ezra Taft Benson, who was a leader for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, he warned of pride. He said that, “The central feature of pride is enmity-enmity toward God and enmity toward of fellowmen. Enmity means ‘hatred toward, hostility to, or a state of opposition.’ It is the power by which Satan wishes to reign over us.” It is that enmity which pits people against their spouses and causes contention. “Contention in our families drives the Spirit of the Lord away. It also drives many of our family members away” (Ezra Taft Benson, 1989).
“Satan laughs at every step of this dismal process (pride within a marriage), he must take special delight when people who have promised to bless and encourage each other, throw their best efforts into hurting and defeating each other” (Goddard, pg 72).
So what can we do when all the forces seem to be pushing against us? We can choose to be forgiving of our spouse and see try to see the best in them. We can choose to look past how something was said that sounded negative, and try to see what our spouse is really needing. We can choose every day to use the Atonement of Christ in our lives to help us heal old wounds and be able to see a spouse in the way that Christ sees them. If we do all of these things, we can be free of the pridefulness, enmity and contention that destroys marriages. Love that lasts does not come by accident, it is chosen everyday as we work to become better people and spouses.
Brick by Brick 