This week for the marriage class I am taking at BYU-Idaho, I studied the importance of physical intimacy within a marriage and also about the dangers of infidelity. It made me think about the times we are living in and how different they are from even 15 years ago when I was a teenager. I thought about my kids and pondered what I really want them to know and understand as they grow up and start having relationships and hopefully marriages someday.
People struggling with morality and infidelity is not a new thing for our time, there are plenty of examples in the Bible that show it has often been a weakness in human nature. Even so, today is different. As a parent I know that we are waging a war with Satan for the souls of our youth. One of the biggest fights we have right now as parents is protecting our children from pornography. That is that I want my kids to know is about the dangers of pornography. In a talk by Elder Dallin H. Oaks, a leader for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, he explains, “Pornography impairs one’s ability to enjoy a normal emotional, romantic, and spiritual relationship with a person of the opposite sex. It erodes the moral barriers that stand against inappropriate, abnormal, or illegal behavior…(it) is also addictive. It impairs decision-making capacities and it ‘hooks’ its users.” I want my children to know that it will has the power to destroy not only themselves but also relationships. Pornography, “has the effect of damaging hearts and souls to their very depths, strangling the life out of relationships” (Liahona and Ensign, Nov. 2004, 60).
The second thing I want my kids to know is that it is important to have healthy sexuality. In the article, The Twain Shall Be One: Thoughts on Intimacy in Marriage, author K.W. Matheson stated, “Sexuality is a beautiful power given to mankind from God. President Kimball has observed: ‘The Bible celebrates sex and its proper use, presenting it as God-created, God-ordained, God-blessed. It makes it plain that God himself implanted physical magnetism between the sexes for two reasons: for the propagation of the human race, and for the expression of that kind of love between man and wife that makes for true oneness.” I want my kids to know that when they are married, that having an intimate relationship that includes both emotional and physical connection is important, and that it strengthens marriages.
The last thing that I want my kids to understand when they are married is that, “the grass is greener on the side of the fence you water” as quoted in the book, Drawing Heaven into Your Marriage. I want them to be prepared for Satan’s attacks on their marriages and them that, “he offers love, fun and satisfying life. But it is a lie. He wants to get us to violate our covenants” (Goddard, 95). He will try to make the other side of fence look appealing by telling them lies such as, “Maybe you were never supposed to be married”, “marriage is too hard”, or “you don’t love each other anymore.” His goal is to destroy families. Don’t fall for those lies. “As usual, Satan’s lies are extravagant- but empty. In contrast God’s promises are sure. When we…quietly honor our covenants- even making sacrifices and fighting temptation- God will reward us with blessings unfathomable to those who have grabbed pleasure over principle” (Goddard, 96). Watering the grass on your side of the fence is how you treat your spouse. Kindness, love and affection are all things that will keep the grass green.
Being married isn’t easy. Satan tries his best to get us to fail. He trips people up with things like pornography, misguided sexuality and infidelity. Marriages are being destroyed by these things left and right. I do know it is possible to withstand these things and work through them if they do affect your marriage. More than Satan wants us to fail, Christ is there to help us win. Even if we stumble, He is there to help us back up. He can not only help us through the gift of His Atonement, but He can save and heal marriages. It is easier to not go down these roads though. It will save a lot of heartache to avoid them. That is why I hope to teach my children these principles so that they don’t have to struggle or endure these particular pains of life, so that they can have healthy and happy relationships in the future.
Brick by Brick 